In today’s world, societal beauty standards and cultural narratives about the “ideal body” are pervasive making it all too easy to become self-critical and develop a negative body image. In fact, you were probably taught from a young age to cultivate hate for yourself instead of love by criticizing your appearance rather than celebrating it. Unfortunately, this self-criticism doesn’t just affect your mental health—it can also influence your relationships and sex life.
However, there is hope. While a negative body image can have detrimental effects, cultivating a positive body image can improve your self-esteem, strengthen your relationships, and enhance your sexual experiences.
3 Impacts of Negative Body Image
If you are feeling unhappy about your body you may find it challenging to relax and fully connect with a partner. First and foremost, this is normal and while it may be incredibly frustrating you are not broken. Body insecurities come from a multitude of sources including social pressures, cultural beauty standards, and past traumas or experiences. Negative body image can lead to anxiety, depression, and impact your relationships. Here are some common ways it can disrupt your sex life:
1. Increased Sexual Dysfunction and Decreased Satisfaction
When you are negatively focusing on your body, it can make it challenging for your body to initiate the sexual response cycle. This can manifest in a variety of ways such as erectile dysfunction or even painful sex. Often when our bodies are not responding the way we want them to, it causes frustration and dissatisfaction. In a 2016 study that examined specific dimensions of sexual functioning and the impact of body shame, they found that greater body concerns for men and women were associated with less arousability and more orgasm difficulty.
2. Performance Anxiety and Sexual Avoidance
For many, especially men, body insecurity can cause a hyper fixation where you find yourself monitoring and evaluating your body during sex. Negative body image often leads to “spectatoring,” a term used to describe monitoring and evaluating your body during sex instead of being present in the experience. Spectatoring directs thoughts away from the sexual experience and therefore you lose sight of the erotic cues the mind needs to keep functioning. This is what people often self-identify as performance anxiety. Sex requires vulnerability, inherently it is about being truly seen by another. This can be exceptionally challenging if you do not want parts of yourself to be seen. Research done by Faith and Schare reported that negative body image has been shown to lead to sexual avoidance. You may find yourself avoiding initiating sex or rejecting your partner more if you associate sex with negative feelings about your body instead of pleasure. This often leaves couples feeling even more disconnected.
3. Increased Relationship Stress
Struggling with body insecurities can create barriers to trust and intimacy. Love requires you to be open and vulnerable, but it can be difficult to trust your partner’s love when battling body insecurities and negative self-talk. These feelings can lead to jealousy, miscommunication, and emotional distance in relationships. While these challenges can be overcome, they can create unnecessary tension that affects emotional and physical connections. This is not to say that if you struggle with your self-image that your relationship won’t work, but body insecurities can be an avoidable obstacle to connection. Healing is possible and can and often should be done with your partner.
3 Impacts of Positive Body Image
On the flip side, cultivating a positive body image can significantly enhance your relationships and sex life. Positive body image can have a variety of positive benefits to your life overall – but here are a few ways cultivating a positive body image can improve your relationship:
1. Increased Desire and Frequency
In a 2009 study researched on women showed “that higher body esteem was significantly positively related to sexual desire in response to erotica…[and] to self-reported measures of sexual desire”. Essentially, when people feel good about their bodies, they’re more likely to respond positively to sexual stimuli and have a higher desire for sexual activity. Our brain makes associations and when sex is associated positively and pleasure is readily accessible the mind will view it as a worthwhile option when seeking to feel good.
2. Enhanced Pleasure and Orgasm
Body confidence allows you to relax and be fully present during intimate moments, which increases pleasure and the likelihood of orgasm. In a survey study published in a women’s health and fitness magazine, women aged 14 to 74 years reported that body image satisfaction was associated with a greater frequency of sexual activity, adventure, optimism, and functioning. No surprise, when you are able to relax and experience pleasure your likelihood of orgasm increases. Being comfortable in your skin also means you will be more likely to explore which can lead to trying new things in the bedroom.
3. Improved Relationship Satisfaction
Positive body image reduces the tension caused by insecurities, fostering deeper emotional and physical intimacy. While a happy relationship has many parts, removing various types of stress improves relationship satisfaction. When your positive body image facilitates more sexual connection your relationship feels more joyful. Not to mention orgasms can be a great way to discharge stress and reconnect. Investing in loving yourself just as you are allows you to more readily accept love from others.
How to Cultivate a Positive Body Image
Building a positive body image takes time and effort, but the rewards are well worth it. Here are practical steps to get started:
Approach Your Body With Kindness and Compassion. Accepting your body as it is today and how it changes throughout your life is a journey. To start:
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- Speak kindly to yourself. Celebrate the parts of your body you love and extend that positivity to areas you’re less confident about.
- For example you could say: My squishy belly is so soft and sexy! My arms are perfect for hugging others! It may feel silly but the more positive the better.
- Speak kindly to yourself. Celebrate the parts of your body you love and extend that positivity to areas you’re less confident about.
- Reframe negative thoughts.
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- For example, instead of criticizing your stretch marks, think of them as symbols of growth and strength
- Practice self-compassion. This is not an easy process but it does get easier over time. Remember you deserve to live joyfully in your body exactly as it is. As you embrace this idea you will be able to accept more and more pleasure.
Explore the Roots of Your Body Insecurity. Poor self-image doesn’t come from nowhere.
- Reflect on where your negative beliefs about your body come from. Through family, peers, and society we are slowly taught to nitpick our bodies apart. We are taught that only certain bodies are deserving of pleasure and love and other bodies are worthy of ridicule and cruelty.
- Take time to explore whose voices and messages you have internalized. Journal or meditate and begin to separate your voice from others.
- Challenge harmful messages and replace them with affirmations of your worth and beauty.
- By confronting these messages, unlearning them, and replacing them with more positive beliefs, body image begins to improve.
Create a Body-Positive Environment. In a world filled with unrealistic beauty standards and filters, it is important to ground yourself in normal bodies. But, the more you see bodies that look like yours being loved and viewed as worthy the more you will believe you are also worthy.
- Curate your social media feeds to include accounts that celebrate body diversity.
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- Take the time to scroll through your social media and block accounts that make you feel bad about yourself and follow creators who make you feel celebrated and beautiful.
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- Surround yourself with supportive friends and loved ones who affirm all of your value, appearance and beyond.
- This may mean setting some boundaries with unhealthy influences in your life. But as you create distance from negative voices you open up more space for love and acceptance.
Practice Self-Care. One of the most loving acts you can do for your body is to take care of it.
- Engage in activities that make you feel good.
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- This could be taking a walk, enjoying a bubble bath, or practicing yoga. Your self-care practice has to be unique to you. It may include journaling, mindfulness, or mantras.
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- Treat self-care as a reminder that your body is deserving of love and attention.
- We take care of things that are valuable, so by the simple act of caring for yourself you are telling your mind that you are worthy simply by being you.
The Power of Professional Support
Improving your body image isn’t always easy, especially if negative beliefs have been ingrained for years. However, a positive body image can have an immense impact on your relationship with yourself and others. It can open the doors to more pleasure, joy, and satisfaction.
It is important to remember that body image issues are normal and you are not alone in your journey of confronting body insecurity. Working with a therapist can provide valuable support, helping you uncover the root causes of your insecurities and develop healthier self-perceptions.
If you’re ready to begin this journey, we’re here to help. At PeacefulWay Psychology, we specialize in supporting individuals as they build confidence, deepen connections, embrace their full selves and improve their sex lives.
Schedule your free 15-minute consultation today and take the first step toward loving your body and enhancing your relationships.