New Year, New Mindset: Letting Go of Toxic Resolutions

As 2025 unfolds, many of us find ourselves reflecting on the past year and setting goals for the future. But not all mindsets need to be carried over year to year. The New Year represents a fresh start—a chance to realign with our priorities and strive for personal growth. And it is often paired with the dreaded “resolutions” that prompt sales of all kinds, promising you that if you just buy this thing the dream of being your best self will finally come true this year. It is okay to feel motivated by the new year. However, the traditional practice of setting New Year’s resolutions often leads to frustration rather than fulfillment.

 

While resolutions can be motivating, they frequently come with unrealistic expectations, perfectionist tendencies, and a focus on external validation. According to a 2022 Forbes article, 80% of resolutions are abandoned by February, leaving many of us feeling disappointed and disheartened. And if you’re reading this after January 1st, that’s okay there is no time like the present to start making a positive change. 

This year, consider shifting your approach. Instead of rigid, outcome-focused resolutions, embrace a mindset that prioritizes self-compassion, values-driven growth, and flexibility. 

The Problem with Traditional Resolutions

1. Unrealistic Expectations

Resolutions often set us up for failure by demanding drastic changes in a short time. Goals like “lose 30 pounds in three months” or “save $10,000 by summer” may sound inspiring, but they rarely account for the time, effort, and inevitable setbacks involved in achieving them.

When we fail to meet these lofty expectations, it’s easy to feel like a failure. This self-defeating mindset can lead to abandoning the goal altogether. Setting smaller, achievable goals increases the likelihood of success.

2. The Perfectionism Trap

Perfectionism turns resolutions into rigid rules. If we slip up—missing a gym session or indulging in dessert—we often view it as a failure rather than a normal part of the process. Perfectionism creates a “black-and-white” mindset where we either succeed completely or fail entirely. This all-or-nothing thinking prevents us from learning from our mistakes.

3. External Validation vs. Internal Growth

Many resolutions are rooted in external goals like appearance, status, or approval from others. While these goals might provide temporary motivation, they rarely lead to lasting fulfillment.

Focusing on internal growth—such as developing self-compassion, improving emotional health, or deepening relationships—leads to more meaningful and sustainable change and keeps you motivated for longer. 

Why Resolutions Fail: A Deeper Look

The Psychology of Motivation

Motivation plays a key role in whether resolutions succeed or fail. According to the Self-Determination Theory (SDT), goals driven by intrinsic motivation—meaning they align with our values and interests—are more likely to be achieved than those motivated by external rewards (Deci & Ryan, 2000).

Being aware of your true motivations for change can be a powerful root to tie resolutions too, but often we get caught up in superficial motivations. 

The Role of Habit Formation

Resolutions often fail because they require forming new habits. Research shows that habit formation takes time—an average of 66 days, according to a 2009 study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology (Lally et al., 2009). Many resolutions are abandoned before this critical period is complete.

It may not feel as satisfying, but change that sticks is change that took consistent work to achieve. 

How to Identify Toxic Resolutions

Not all resolutions are created equal. Some may seem positive on the surface but can be rooted in unhealthy mindsets.

Signs of a Toxic Resolution:

1. It’s focused solely on appearance or material success.
2. It’s influenced by societal pressure rather than personal desire.
3. It involves punishing yourself for perceived shortcomings.

Shifting the Perspective: A Healthier Approach

Resolutions don’t have to be so fraught. But in order to have resolutions that are achievable keep these things in mind: 

1. Embrace Intentions Over Resolutions

Intentions are process focused, whereas resolutions are outcome focused. Don’t get lost in the outcome you want to see, but focus on growth through whatever process you want to grow from. This allows you to be more flexible when faced with challenges. 

Example:
Instead of resolving to “write a book,” set an intention like “spend 30 minutes each day exploring creative writing.” This approach emphasizes the journey, making it easier to stay motivated.

2. Focus on Values

Your goals for yourself should be for you, and in alignment with who you are as a person and what you want out of life. So while there may be trends of what people are working on starting in 2025, pick goals that are true to who you are. Sure exercising more or not drinking are good choices, but if your goals is to be a great painter maybe pick a goal around that instead. 

Reflection Questions:

• What makes me feel most alive?
• How do I want to grow as a person?

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Change does not happen overnight and it does not happen without struggle. You are doomed to struggle with goals if you cannot be kind to yourself. Remember you can only control you, and life will throw challenges your way, you don’t need to add to those challenges by being cruel to yourself. Practicing self-compassion is a skill that helps you pick yourself up and continue forward, and is essential if you want to enact real change. 

Practical Tips:

• Reframe Mistakes: View setbacks as learning opportunities.
• Celebrate Effort: Acknowledge your hard work, even if the outcome isn’t perfect.

“Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and consideration with which you’d treat a loved one,” says Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion.

Practical Tips for Setting Healthy Resolutions

1. Start Small and Be Specific:
   • Define how you are going to get to your larger goal. So instead of “be healthier” do “add vegetables to 1 meal a day for 2 weeks” and then grow those micro goals over time. 
2. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection:
   • Focus on your success more than your struggles. Progress is progress and even if you make mistakes along the way as long as you continue to put in the work you will make it to your goals eventually. 
3. Practice Gratitude and Self-Reflection:
   • Be grateful for all the work you put in. And take time to reflect as you need. You can use a journal for this. But growth is a process so allow yourself to soak up all the lessons along the journey.

5 Alternative Resolution Ideas

 

Sometimes the best way to leave old mindsets behind is to try something new. So here are some alternative ways to approach New Years resolutions:

1. Pick an Intention or Theme: Choose a word or phrase that encapsulates your focus for the year, such as “balance,” “adventure,” or “growth.” Themes and intentions allow you to be more flexible and adapt your behavior as you go throughout the year. 
   • Example: Instead of “Lose 20 pounds,” set “Make mindful food choices and move joyfully.” 

 

1. 2025 Bingo: A newer trend is creating a bingo sheet, where people predict what will happen in the new year. But you can also make one with small goals and predictions for your own life.Gamifying goals can be a fun way to keep you motivated and working towards something. 
   • Example: Make a bingo card and fill it in with things you hope to do this year such as getting that promotion you have been working towards, visiting a museum, trying a new hobby, or reading 3 books in a month. 

 

• Let the Universe Decide: Sometimes having a big goal for the year is better than an overwhelming amount of smaller goals, but it can be tough to decide just one thing to work on, so let fate decide for you. 

1. • Example: Write 5 goals you have for the year on scraps of paper and put them in a hat. Draw one at random and that is your one goal to prioritize working towards this year. 

 

• A “To-Do-List” or A “Don’t-Do-List”: Make a list of things you want to do more of—or avoid—this year. Crossing items off or maintaining a streak can be very motivating. 

1. • Example: Write out a list of small things you want to do by the end of the year and cross them off as you go. They could be reading 10 books, petting 5 new dogs, getting 15 coffees with friends, traveling to a new state etc. Alternatively you could do a don’t-do-list and have a “blank” day(s) since you last did something such as smoking, saying a curse word, answering emails after 6pm or letting people cross your boundaries. 

 

• Monthly Micro-Goals: Break the year into smaller segments with a new focus each month to keep things interesting. 

• Example:

• January: Declutter your workspace.
• February: Start a gratitude journal.

 

2025 Here You Come

 

This year, ditch the toxic resolutions that often lead to frustration and are often little more than sales pitches. Embrace a mindset rooted in self-compassion, growth, and flexibility. With thoughtful intentions, a focus on values, and a little self-kindness, you can create meaningful change—not just for the year but for a lifetime. And maybe try again with one of these resolution alternatives, it’s never too late to try and change or better yourself. 

 

And know you do not have to do this alone. Having a supportive community of friends and family can be wonderful in working towards what you want in life. And sometimes having someone in your corner specifically to help you through these things can be helpful too

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by goal-setting, therapy can provide valuable support. A therapist can help you:

• Break down large goals into manageable steps.
• Develop strategies for overcoming obstacles.
• Cultivate self-compassion and resilience.

 

At Peacefulway Therapy, we specialize in helping clients navigate change with kindness and intention. If you’re ready to explore how therapy can support your growth, schedule a free 15-minute consultation here.

Let 2025 be the year you prioritize your well-being, celebrate your progress, and approach each challenge with resilience and grace.