It may seem odd to begin a blog post about the pitfalls of perfectionism by affirming that there is absolutely nothing wrong with striving for excellence, but it’s true. Within reasonable limits, having high standards and pursuing excellence are good things: they facilitate problem-solving, yield high-quality work, and fuel innovation. I think we can all agree that it is a very good thing, indeed, that the bridge builders, automobile manufacturers, airplane pilots, and surgeons of the world maintain high standards and an accompanying commitment to excellence!
That said, there is an important distinction to be made between having high standards and pursuing excellence, on the one hand, and having unrealistically or agonizingly high standards, on the other. The former is emblematic of healthy, often prosocial striving, while the latter is indicative of perfectionism.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is the quixotic struggle to perform flawlessly at all times, under all conditions. It is setting impossibly high standards for ourselves (and sometimes for others) and believing that we (or they) should never make mistakes. Perfectionism is believing that anything less than faultless performance is unacceptable. It is also feeling distressed when people (ourselves or others) do not meet our standards or expectations.
Simply put, perfectionism is the inflexible, unforgiving belief or expectation that one should never make any mistakes or evince any flaws.
There are several signs that you may be a perfectionist. We will consider three of the most important ones below.
Perfectionism Sign 1: Difficulty enjoying success
One of the telltale signs of perfectionism is difficulty enjoying success. Often, despite many outward signs of high achievement, perfectionists do not view themselves as successful. It is surely a cruel irony that perfectionists, who labor so hard in pursuit of success, are limited in their ability to enjoy or appreciate the fruits of their labor. Imagine a delicious banquet that turns to ash as soon as it is placed on the tongue, or else imagine a thirsty, shipwrecked sailor surrounded by ocean water she cannot drink.
The reason perfectionists have difficulty enjoying success is explainable in terms of a core feature of perfectionism: the belief that achievement determines self-worth. When perfectionists notch an achievement, they are simply justifying their existence—nothing more. Because perfectionists believe that they are only as worthy or as estimable as their last flawlessly executed performance, they feel they cannot afford to stop producing, performing, or achieving. If they relax even for a second, they risk feeling overwhelmed by an underlying sense of inferiority or worthlessness.
Perfectionism Sign 2: Playing it safe
Another sign of perfectionism is playing it safe—or attempting to avoid failure, criticism, and embarrassment by doing only those things that perfectionists know they already excel at. In this way, perfectionists guarantee themselves the success they crave—or, at the very least, the avoidance of failure, criticism, and embarrassment. Because their self-worth depends in large part on performance, perfectionists assiduously avoid new and different activities, their aptitude for which is not known in advance. Perfectionism can thus preclude the enjoyment of new opportunities—business ventures, new relationships, hobbies, travel—that would otherwise lead to growth, development, and creative fulfillment.
The reason perfectionists play it safe is explainable in terms of another core feature of perfectionism: fear of failure. This fear is often so intense that perfectionists may succeed in convincing themselves that they do not want to participate in new and different activities. They don’t recognize that their fear of failure keeps them from pursing new and different activities. Perfectionists dread failure because they view it as a confirmation of their basic inadequacy. Perfectionists will go to great lengths to avoid failure because they do not understand failure as an event but as an identity.
It is another cruel irony that the painstaking pursuit of perfection—undertaken by perfectionists as a hoped-for means of realizing their full potential—is ultimately an obstacle to precisely that outcome.
Perfectionism Sign 3: Procrastination
A third telltale sign that you may be a perfectionist is a habit of procrastination. It may surprise some readers to learn that perfectionists are capable of procrastination, given that they are generally such hard workers. And while it is true that perfectionists do not make light of shoddy work or lapsed deadlines, they are also not immune to the negative thinking that drives procrastination.
For perfectionists, the need for flawless execution adds enormous pressure to even the simplest and most straightforward of tasks. As a result, perfectionists may put off tasks and projects for fear of not doing them perfectly. Perfectionists believe that they can avoid failure, criticism, and embarrassment by never beginning a given task or project in the first place. Procrastination not only causes perfectionists to miss out on important opportunities and to waste time, but it also causes them to feel even more stressed and overwhelmed.
Help is available
Self-help may be sufficient to overcome perfectionism, while others may benefit from the added structure and support that weekly therapy can provide. There are several effective treatments available to address the problems associated with perfectionism, including cognitive–behavior therapy (CBT).
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